I really like your thoughts about rationalizations and bearing witness; you've given me a lot to think about.

No worries about coming across as too harsh about Xander. Xander's really a polarizing character in fandom, and I pretty much agree with the people who find his behavior incredibly problematic, especially re: Buffy, Anya, and Cordelia.

I honestly struggle more to understand Xander adoration, especially the fics that go on about how horrible Buffy and Willow are for not fully appreciating his greatness or whatever.