Watch Me Dazzle Like a Diamond in the Rough (Willow, Spike PG)

[punch_kicker15]

Title: Watch Me Dazzle Like a Diamond in the Rough
Author: punch_kicker15
Rating: PG
Fandoms: BtVS
Characters/Relationships: Gen, Willow, Spike
Summary: Willow uses unorthodox methods to track down Spike’s hiding place when he’s needed for a mission
Author Notes: Written for buffyversebingo, prompt: shiny. Title is from “Shiny” by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Word count: 563

Spike trudged down the hall to his office, caught the familiar scent of bergamot and sandalwood, and cursed under his breath.

The witch was waiting for him outside his office, arms crossed over her chest, with smug grin on her face. “Hey, Mr. Stealthy Pants. You’re needed for a mission.”

He leaned against the wall, searching his pockets for a cigarette and lighter. As he lit the cigarette, he muttered, “Should have known better than to trust that djinn.”

Willow coughed theatrically as he blew smoke in her direction. “Do you have to do that? It makes my hair smell like smoke for days,” she whinged.

He snorted. “You handle fouler stuff every time you cast a spell. Or does the Skin of Draconis come in Baby Powder Fresh now? You found me, so you must have worked with some truly ripe ingredients to get that mojo going.”

“I didn’t find you with a spell.” There was a momentary flash of frustration, a reminder of how dangerous she could be, and then it morphed into self-satisfaction. “I’ve got more tricks up my sleeve than magic.”

“Yeah?” She was clearly itching to explain her cleverness. The best strategy was to let her yammer on, so he could learn how to disappear more effectively next time.

She stood up straighter, and recited in slightly affected tone, “”L’Harmonie. A complex and effulgent chocolate with peaks of tart fruit and cherry top notes.’”

She continued, in her normal perky voice, “Xander bought me some chocolate for my birthday, and I read the tasting notes on the back. The only other place I’ve ever heard ‘effulgent’ was in Lydia’s thesis on William the Bloody. Then I just hacked into Guittard’s records, found the records for their ad copywriters, and it was a cinch from there.”

“Bloody hell! You mean I wouldn’t have blown my cover--”

“--if you’d just said the chocolate was shiny,” she finished, her smug grin widening. “Those five dollar words will get you every time.”

“Eh, it’s meant to sell fancy chocolate. Pretentious language is kind of the point.”

“In that case, maybe the lesson is, use more modern pretentious adjectives.”

He couldn’t help but grin back at her. She had to enjoy these little hide-and-seek games as much as he did, if she was giving him tips on how to hide more effectively. “Were you reading Lydia’s thesis in the hopes of finding some clue? You’ve earned brownie points for thoroughness.”

“Nah,” she said. “I read it back in high school, when you first showed up. I wanted to know everything I could about the Slayer of Slayers. You were pretty scary back then.”

“Still am,” he retorted, more out of reflex than anything else.

“Yep, the prophecy for this mission said we needed the biggest of the former Big Bads. With a killer vocabulary. Wish you’d been around to keep me on my toes in high school. I could’ve scored higher than 740 on the verbal.”

There was a thought for his next disappearance. Creating vocabulary quizzes for testing prep companies. That might make her have to work a little harder.

First, though, they had to get through the crisis of the week. He put the cigarette out in his palm, mostly just to watch her wince in vicarious pain. “Right. So tell me all you know about this prophecy.”

Author's Note: The effulgent chocolate bar actually exists: L'Harmonie Semisweet Chocolate.