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punch_kicker15Author: punch_kicker15
Rating: R
Characters/Relationships: Willow/Giles
Summary: A prophecy leads Giles to practice dark magic once again. This sets him down a dark path, and Willow may be the only one who can help. AU in which Willow’s magic training started earlier than in canon.
Word count: 47,533
Notes: Thanks to
scratchingpost1 for generously offering a plot bunny that ate my brain, gilescandy and dragonyphoenix for looking over a very rough first draft and offering helpful suggestions and encouragement. Thanks also to the mods (red_b_rackham and traycer_ and other participants at 
het_bigbang for all of the help and hand-holding throughout. And special thanks to 
Chapter Four
Summer before Buffy vs. Dracula
Giles
"I got the Pergamum Codex indexed. Can the rest wait until tomorrow?"
Giles sighed. Willow was making it painfully clear that she didn't want to help him with the indexing project, and it was unaccountably irritating. He couldn't pinpoint any reason for it. After all the hours she'd devoted to helping him and Buffy, she deserved some time off.
There was a knock at the door. It had to be Tara, the only one of the lot who ever bothered to knock. "Hi, sweetie. Are you still working on indexing?"
Giles watched Willow's face light up, the way it used to for Oz, Xander, and even occasionally for him, and it hit him with the force of one of Buffy’s kicks to his chest. Tara wasn't just a rebound relationship for Willow.
Willow was looking at him pleadingly. He cleared his throat. "I think we've, um, made enough progress for today."
He went to the kitchen to make tea.
Bloody hell. Apparently, somewhere, he'd harbored a ridiculous and completely inappropriate hope that once she’d gotten over Oz, Willow might see him differently. See him as someone more than Buffy's former Watcher or an unemployed librarian. Or perhaps, he wanted her to see him the same way she had in high school, back when she’d had a crush on him.
It was an utterly stupid notion. Willow was a beautiful, intelligent, and brave young woman. Of course there would always be someone pursuing her. She'd never be alone for long. She deserved to be with someone her own age.
He'd always had a deep affection for her, admiration for her intelligence. Those were appropriate emotions to have. The other ones--the longing, the jealousy--needed to be set aside.
This attraction had to be yet another symptom of his feelings of uselessness this year. Nostalgia for the years past when she idealized him, and looked at him like he was the most important person in the world. He was just a typical middle-aged man fantasizing about recapturing his youth with a beautiful young woman. It was another sign that he should go back to England. Or buy that red sports car he'd been looking at. At least the car was a midlife crisis marker that wouldn't hurt anyone.
***
Out of My Mind
Tara
Every day Willow got even stronger at magic. It was unsettling.
Part of it was Catherine, who Tara just didn't like. It felt like Willow's power was the only thing Catherine cared about. Like if Willow woke up one day and couldn't do magic, Catherine would just disappear. Tara wondered if Willow would even think about doing things like "tinkering with the Tinkerbell" spell if Catherine weren't there encouraging her.
But it was more than just Catherine. The magic came so easily for Willow. In the space of a week she could master things that had taken years of work for Tara. It was kind of like the time Willow had tried to help Tara with calculus homework. Willow just had an intuitive sense of how to solve math problems, one that she couldn't explain in a way that made sense to Tara. And Tara felt, on some level, that she couldn’t trust things that she couldn’t understand.
Was it wrong to feel that way, especially the part about being uncomfortable with how powerful Willow was becoming? A big part of magic was reaching into yourself, and the part that Willow threw into magic was powerful. Tara had seen it from the first time they'd done magic together. Maybe it was kind of like being uncomfortable with Willow being short, or Willow being smart. They were just things that Willow was.
It wasn’t jealousy, exactly. But magic had been a huge part of how she and Willow had gotten together. Willow used to see her as more powerful, or at least more experienced. Now there were times when Tara wondered why Willow wanted to be with her. What was Tara’s role in the group, except "a witch, but not as powerful as Willow"? Willow was a genius with computers, too, so it wasn't like magic was the only thing Willow had to offer. Sometimes it just didn’t feel like an equal partnership at all.
Of course, it couldn't be an equal partnership. Tara was keeping a huge secret. Wasn't honesty a huge part of a relationship? But it would be very difficult to explain why she'd kept a major secret from Willow for so long. There wasn't much time left anyway. Maybe it was for the best if Willow outgrew her. It would make their inevitable separation a little easier, at least for Willow.
***
Listening to Fear
Giles
Giles walked Willow back to her dorm, her hand clasped in his. He told himself it didn't mean anything. He'd grabbed ahold of her when she'd stumbled earlier tonight, and was still holding on because she might fall again.
They walked in companionable silence until they reached her dorm room.
Tara beamed at Willow. "How was patrolling?"
"Great! I got two in one night!" Her legs wobbled a little, and he gripped her hand tighter.
He thought Tara's eyes lingered on their hands. It was probably just his paranoia. "It took a lot out of her. She collapsed afterwards."
"Giles!" Willow shot him an indignant look. To Tara, she said, "It wasn't that big a deal, just the excitement went to my head a little." She let go of his hand, and Tara wrapped her arms around her.
He watched Tara fuss over her, which was how it should be.
***
On the walk back to his flat, he heard a twig break underfoot, and whirled around, stake in hand.
It was Ethan. He should have known the government couldn't hold him forever. "What do you want, Ethan?"
"Revenge, of course. For throwing me to the soldier boys. But it looks like you're punishing yourself more effectively than I ever could, old man."
No good would come from this conversation. He walked away from Ethan.
Ethan followed. "It's all rather pathetic, isn't it? She’s less than half your age, and in love with another woman. Could you have possibly fallen for someone more unattainable? And she's the Slayer’s best friend, which means you’ll always be close to her."
The last thing he wanted was for Ethan to fixate on Willow. "She's a friend, and nothing else."
Ethan rolled his eyes. "Right. She's pretty, brimming with power, and a bit dark--just like every lover you’ve ever had.”
“Not every lover.” Why was it that Ethan could still goad him into responding?
“No, just the ones who count. The ones who get under your skin. She does.”
Giles took a breath, reminded himself that DO NOT ENGAGE should be his strategy with Ethan at all times.
Ethan said, “Really, you clenching your jaw and trying so hard not to hit me? That’s as much of a giveaway as hitting me. You might as well start now. We'll both feel so much better.”
Giles turned, pushed Ethan against a tree, his hands around Ethan’s throat. “Stay the fuck away from me, and everyone else in Sunnydale. I’m through playing games with you. Understand?” Ethan's face turned purple, and Giles reduced the pressure on Ethan's throat, just enough to let him breathe, while still making sure Ethan knew who was in charge.
Ethan nodded. Giles released his grip, and started walking away again.
"I could do a glamour to look like her, if you want,” Ethan said.
Giles stopped and stared at Ethan in disbelief. He couldn’t imagine Ethan’s ego allowing such a thing.
Ethan shrugged, “Wanting what you can’t have--it gets a bit desperate.”
Giles shook his head, and walked away. When he looked back a few minutes later, Ethan was gone.
***
Tough Love
Tara
Somehow a discussion about Buffy and Dawn and discipline had become fraught, and Willow was clearly unhappy. Maybe Tara was being overbearing.
Tara asked, “Do I act like the big knowledge woman?”
“No.” But Willow’s tone suggested otherwise.
This was getting exasperating, trying to parse out what Willow really meant from a bunch of mixed signals. “Is that no spelled Y-E-S?”
“S-O-R-T of.” Willow added, “I mean, I just feel like the--the junior partner. You've been doing everything longer than me. You've been out longer. You've been practicing witchcraft way longer.”
“Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few--I mean, it frightens me how powerful you're getting. ” She regretted her words instantly. She had an instinct that Willow’s power could be dangerous, but she couldn’t point to any specific thing that Willow had done that was dangerous.
Willow pounced. “That's a weird word.”
“Getting?” Tara hoped her smile and joke would lighten the mood.
“It frightens you? I frighten you?”
Tara jumped off the bed, turned to Willow. “That is so not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive.” Maybe Willow would accept that evasion and they could end this argument.
“Well, I took Psych 101. I mean, I took it from an evil government scientist who was skewered by her Frankenstein-like creation before the final, but I know what a Freudian slip is.”
Oh, goddess. Willow wasn’t going to let anything go in this argument.
Willow asked, “Don't you trust me?”
“With my life.” Finally, there was something Tara could say that was both reassuring and true.
“That’s not what I mean.”
She was trapped in an argument that she could neither win nor end. “Can’t we just go to the fair?”
Willow said, “I don't feel real multicultural right now.” She stood up. “What is it about me that you don’t trust?”
It hurt Tara’s heart to hear that question. “It's not that. I worry, sometimes. You're--you're changing so much, so fast. I don't know where you're heading.”
“Where I'm heading?” Willow asked.
She thought if there was a way to open up her heart and mind to Willow, that Willow would understand, wouldn’t be hurt by something as trivial as words. But words were the only thing she had, and she was clumsy with them. Maybe she should say just that. “I'm saying everything wrong.”
Willow said, “No, I think you're being pretty clear. This isn't about the witchcraft. It's about the other changes in my life.” There was something so vulnerable about Willow, like she might shatter from one more wrong word from Tara.
Tara tried again. “I trust you. I just--” she looked down, tried to find the right words this time. “I don't know where I'm gonna fit in. In your life when--”
“When I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town. You think that?”
Tara thought of Willow’s reaction to Giles’ singing, of Willow saying Dracula was sexy, of times Willow’s had stared at a good-looking guy just a little too long. “Should I?”
“I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred before I got into this relationship. You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with, so ... how on earth could you ever take me seriously?” Willow had never spoken to her with so much bitter sarcasm before.
Willow started to walk out, and Tara had a sick feeling in her stomach that something terrible would happen if she let her leave now.
“Willow, please!”
Willow didn’t break her stride. “Have fun at the fair.”
***
Giles
“I hope this isn’t a return,” Giles said to Anya as he opened the box. “Everyone wants petrified hamsters and they're never happy with them.”
He looked up to see Willow leaning against the counter, her shoulders hunched up. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” she said, her face a picture of total dejection.
“Ah, yes, because your good mood is both obvious and contagious.” He opened the box; to his relief, it was a shipment of candles.
“I had a fight with Tara. It was awful.”
His breath caught in his chest, which was an exceedingly odd reaction to her words.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, turning away from her to put the candles away, and to avoid her gaze for a moment.”
“Me too.”
He turned back to her, “You two don’t quarrel much, do you?”
“Never, until today.”
“Ah, well, it’s over.” There was a slight scrabbling sound from the side door, and Giles felt a prickling at the back of his neck..
“Over? How can it be over? I just found her!” Willow’s voice went up an octave.
“The quarrel is over.”
“Oh, yeah.”
He heard the noise at the door again. He put the conversation with Willow on auto-pilot.
“You'll feel better when you've made your apologies and you'll know that you can fight without the world ending.” He’d given enough of these comforting speeches that he could do them in his sleep.
He grabbed the box and walked as casually as he could toward the side door, “I know it all seems bleak now, but as they say, this too--”
He opened the door quickly; one of Glory’s minions fell forward. He slammed the door on the minion, who pitched forward onto the floor.
--shall pass.”
He gave himself a moment to feel pleased with himself, and then started thinking about interrogation tactics.
***
It hadn’t taken much--a quick broken bone or two, before Anya and Willow had returned with the twine, and the minion was cooperating fully with the interrogation.
Then the minion said, “Too late. Too late. Glorificus will find the witch, and there's nothing you can do to stop her.”
“Witch? What do you mean?” Anya asked.
Willow realized it faster than any of them. A look of horror crossed her face. “Tara!” She turned to run out.
The minion blathered on about Tara being the new one among them, but all Giles could think of was Willow running off to face Glory all by herself.
He yelled, “Willow, wait! I'll go with--”
“No! Call Buffy and go look in Tara's room, I'm gonna check the fair.” His heart clenched at the sight of her running out, her determination to protect Tara written all over her face.
He raced to his car, drove as fast as he could to the dorms. He ran through the building, darting around students, pushing one oblivious boy out of the way, ignoring the stares and shouts, until he reached Willow and Tara’s room. It was empty.
He told himself that she must be at the fair, that Willow would find her, and that both girls would be safe from Glory.
He ran back to his car, driving as fast as he could back to his shop. He stopped at a red light, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel, and his mind flashed back to Willow, shifting so quickly from uncertainty and vulnerability to fierce bravery and decisiveness when someone she loved was in danger. It was something he’d always loved about her.
Oh dear god. He was in love with Willow.
The light turned green. He cursed and hit the accelerator. This wasn’t the time for emotional revelations.
***
Later that night, Giles stared at the X-rays of Tara’s hand as the doctor spoke with Willow about Tara’s condition, watched Willow grieve for Tara’s lost mind.
His feelings for Willow were a distraction they didn’t need right now.
Buffy needed her Watcher and Willow needed her friend and mentor. That was all he could and should be.
Willow
She was halfway to the Magic Box when it hit her--Tara’s mind might still be trapped inside Glory. If she killed Glory now, Tara could be lost forever.
Willow turned around and started running towards Catherine’s house. Buffy had been right about one thing--it wasn't the right time to fight Glory yet. If there was a way to restore Tara’s mind, Willow needed to find it first.
Chapter 5
