The Borders of Night Start to Give, Chapter 18/26

[punch_kicker15]

Title: The Borders of Night Start to Give
Author: punch_kicker15
Rating: R
Characters/Relationships: Willow/Giles
Summary: A prophecy leads Giles to practice dark magic once again. This sets him down a dark path, and Willow may be the only one who can help. AU in which Willow’s magic training started earlier than in canon.
Word count: 47,533
Notes: Thanks to scratchingpost1 for generously offering a plot bunny that ate my brain, gilescandy and dragonyphoenix for looking over a very rough first draft and offering helpful suggestions and encouragement. Thanks also to the mods (red_b_rackham and traycer_ and other participants at het_bigbang for all of the help and hand-holding throughout. And special thanks to angelus2hot for some amazing art she created for this story.

Chapter Eighteen

Dead Things

Willow

"Bye, Dawnie, Have a good day at school!" Willow turned to see Buffy right behind her.

"Will, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Willow closed the door. "Uh, sure."

Buffy said, "I think there's something wrong with me. I need you to check to see if the spell that Giles used brought me back wrong."

Willow's heart started to pound. Buffy had seemed quiet and distant for a while. What if there was something wrong, something that could be fixed easily?

They settled in on the couch. Willow took a deep breath and studied Buffy's aura. She still wasn't as good as Tara was, but there wasn't anything complicated to figure out. It was the same Buffy-essence that had always been there, as far as Willow could tell.

But maybe she needed to ask questions first. “Something wrong” was a kinda vague thing to look for. “Why do you think that?”

Buffy said, “Spike’s chip doesn’t work on me anymore.”

“Wait, how did you figure that out?”

Buffy stared at the couch cushions and said, "We were patrolling one night and things got a little out of hand."

"So you were like sparring or something?"

Buffy nodded.

Willow thought about the chip. “Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s just the chip malfunctioning. I mean, I had to replace a couple of chips in the Buffybot because they got overheated when she got too close to the furnace a few months ago.”

"Just check, Will. Please." Buffy said, with a note of desperation in her voice.

Willow took out some Angelica powder and sprinkled it over Buffy, then spoke the words of a divination spell. No sign of any evil magic clinging to Buffy.

“Buffy, I don't think there’s anything wrong with you.”

“There has to be,” Buffy said.

Willow recognized Buffy’s stubborn, not-going-to-listen-to-anyone tone of voice. But Willow could be stubborn, too. “I don’t see anything. Some of your skin cells on the surface are a little dried out, but they could get that way if you spent too much time in a tanning booth.”

Buffy started to cry. “There has to be something wrong with me. Why else would I be sleeping with Spike?”

Whoa. She wished for the millionth time that she had Oz's unflappable demeanor. She really wanted to appear worldly and sophisticated about these kinds of things, and instead she probably had shock written all over her face.

She tried to figure out what the problem was. “Are you in love with Spike?”

Buffy sniffled, then buried her face in her hands. “No.”

That really didn’t seem like Buffy. But Buffy usually had a good reason for the things she did. Willow tried her most supportive tone of voice. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with having sex just for fun. You’re a grown woman with needs. You shouldn’t be ashamed of--”

“I should be if I’m using him,” Buffy said.

It tore Willow up to see Buffy feeling so guilty over that. Willow’s own sins pressed down on her. Everything else she had said had just bounced off Buffy’s guilt and shame. Maybe Buffy needed to realize that she was being too hard on herself.

She put her hands on Buffy’s shoulders. “You’ve been through a lot, and I think if this is the worst thing you’ve done, you’re actually doing ok. Especially compared to everyone else. Right after Tara broke up with me, I slept with a guy! I used him to feel better about myself. And the really sad thing is that I can’t stop thinking about it and the only reason it hasn’t happened again is that he doesn’t want it.”

Buffy looked baffled by all of this. Maybe Willow needed to connect the dots for her. “You lost your mom, and almost lost your sister, and you died and went to Hell. And then you did one thing you’re not proud of. What’s my excuse? That Tara broke up with me?”

Buffy looked up at Willow and asked, “Who was the guy?”

Oh, crap. Buffy would have to pick this moment to get all engaged and interested in what Willow had to say. If Willow told the truth, it might mess up Buffy’s relationship with Giles. And Buffy needed Giles.

“No one you know. Just some random guy from college.” She hoped that would satisfy Buffy’s curiosity.

Buffy gave her a searching look. “There must have been something interesting or special about him, Will. I don’t see you just jumping and using some random guy.”

Willow shrugged. “I guess I have a dark side you haven’t seen before.”

“At the risk of putting my foot in my mouth again, does this mean that you’re bi? I mean, Xander and Oz, and now Random Guy. That’s a lot of kissage of guys for someone who’s, you know--”

Wow, Buffy wasn’t freaked out; Willow felt bad for assuming that she would. Buffy had grown and changed a lot since that awkward coming out discussion a couple years ago.  It felt kind of liberating--she could finally talk to someone about all of this. “I’m still trying to figure that out. Sometimes I think I’m a lesbian who’s occasionally attracted to men. Sometimes I think I need a different word, like maybe ‘queer’, because ‘bi’ makes it seem like the attraction’s 50/50, and it’s not for me. There are a lot more girls than guys who catch my eye.”

“Oh,” was all Buffy said. But that was alright, because this latest sexual identity stuff was new to Buffy; Willow didn’t expect her to have any profound thoughts about it right away. It was enough just to have Buffy listen. Willow hadn't realized how badly she’d needed that until now.

Buffy tilted her head, looked at Willow with curiosity. “Are you sure I don’t know Random Guy? I met a lot of people at school.”

“I’m sure. So what do think you’re going to do about Spike?”

Willow immediately regretted changing the subject when she saw the haunted look on Buffy’s face.

“I have to end it, Will. It’s not good for either of us.”

***

Ethan

Ethan was no stranger to foul-smelling magic ingredients, but the Hombja’moleev demon musk gland was something else entirely. He tried breathing only through his mouth, but the stench still crawled down to his stomach.

Ethan sprinkled goldenrod powder over the gland, and chanted the invocation about revealing desires and all that claptrap.

The Cerebral Dampener pulsed with light. Ethan’s heart pounded with the flow of the magic. But a moment later, the Dampener collapsed on itself, twisting into a misshapen mess.

Warren turned on Ethan, “What the fuck did you do to my Dampener?”

Ethan stared him down. “It wasn’t me, it was the musk gland.”

“Hey!” Andrew yelped. “I followed the directions exactly. This isn’t my fault!”

Ethan said, “I didn’t say that. It’s an unstable ingredient. It varies based on what the demon had for lunch, or when it last saw an attractive mate.” It also interacted very poorly with chaos magic, but these two geniuses didn’t need to know that. He’d argued with them until he was blue in the face about the pointlessness of the Dampener, to no avail. A little push seemed in order.

Warren said, “I spent months on that. It could take a couple more to build a new one.”

Ethan said, “Forget about it. Concentrate on the armored car heist. Once you’re rolling in cash, you’ll have no problem attracting girls.”

***

Giles

The shop's door jangled, and Buffy and Willow walked in together.

He wondered if he should have invited them to his flat and made tea first. But Willow might feel uncomfortable with that, even with Buffy there.

They sat down at the table, and Willow said, "What's going on, Giles? Something apocalypse-y?"

"There's no immediate danger. I've been thinking about the best way that we can fight The First. I think I might be most useful outside of Sunnydale."

"What? How can you just leave, after you--" Buffy looked at Willow, as if suddenly remembering that she was in the room too. "--after you brought me back from Hell," she finished.

The world stood still for a moment. His chest tightened, and he fought back tears by sheer force of will. Buffy was lying about being in Hell. And the only reason for her to lie about it was to spare his feelings, because she'd been happier--wherever she had been. He couldn't try to fool himself any more. All of her struggles now were his fault.

After what seemed like an interminable pause, he said, "I'm going to try to rally support from Council members to reinstate Faith, and to help with the fight against The First."

"I have a question," Willow said. "Why?"

"Yeah, Giles, they haven't been super help-y to us before. And The First has been quiet. Haven’t had a Slayer dream or anything about them since I came back.”

He tried to think of the right words to make them understand the value of an institution that dated back thousands of years. It was difficult when their only contact with The Council had been highly antagonistic.

"The Council has its problems, but they also have a lot of resources and information that could be very useful to us."

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "So send Travers over here, I'll threaten to kick his ass unless he hands them over.

What could he say? Your status with the Council is diminished, because you’re obviously struggling now, and it’s all my fault.

Instead he said, "I think this message would be better heard coming from one of the Council’s own. We need them to be completely on board with us, and persuasion is a better strategy than coercion."

"But what about here?” Willow asked, with a plaintive note in her voice. “We need you here."

“I have faith that the two of you can handle anything the Hellmouth dishes out while I’m gone,” he said. “And I’ll be a phone call away if you need any advice.”

"But I have this weird Slayer-y feeling that Jonathan and Warren and um, Tucker's brother are up to something." Desperation shone in Buffy’s eyes.

He had to be strong to keep the two of them from talking him out of this. "As far as we know, they're in New York. And don't you think they should be a lower priority than a potential apocalypse? Perhaps the local authorities can handle them instead."

"Just--please don't leave, Giles." Willow was silent, but the look in her eyes echoed Buffy's plea.

He had to look away from them; if he didn't, he'd start to listen to the little voice in his head that said he was a coward. That he'd thrown both girls' lives in disarray, and was running away from the consequences.

"I'm sorry," he said. "But leaving is the right thing to do right now."

Chapter 19