How Does That Make You Feel? Buffy/Souled!Vamp!Willow, R

[punch_kicker15]

Title: How Does That Make You Feel?
Author: punch_kicker15
Rating: R
Characters/Relationships: Buffy/Souled!Vamp!Willow
Summary: AU Season 5. (Willow was turned prior to Buffy arriving in Sunnydale. Ethan Rayne took a different path after Eyghon.) Buffy copes with the newest arrival to Sunnydale.
Word Count: 1741
Warnings: Bloodplay
Notes: Written for femslash_minis, for snogged. Prompt was AU where Willow is a vampire with a soul, a glass of wine, Willow babbling, and a promise.

It’s not a once a week thing, or even a once a month thing, but every now and then Buffy knows that she can’t do everything alone. That she needs to accept help. And then she ends up at this office at the high school.

Nobody ever questions why she comes here so often, even though she graduated more than a year ago. She’s just another inexplicable thing that people just accept at the school.

Mr. Platt takes one last drag from his cigarette. “So what’s new in your life?”

He asks her that every time, in a matter-of-fact tone, as if Buffy’s answers will be about normal things like shopping and dating, instead of things like mystical keys and Hellgods.

“A souled vampire showed up on our doorstep with her seer a few weeks ago. She said they were on a mission from some Powers to help protect Dawn." Buffy stares out the windows at the students eating their lunches on the lawn. She wonders if they have any idea how close they and the high school and maybe the whole Western Hemisphere were to annihilation. It’s the little things--like one measly box of spiders--that make all of the difference in the world.

"What's she like?" he asks, stubbing out his cigarette.

It takes her a moment to remember what he’s asking about. "Super-annoying. She just talks all the time. She and Xander knew each other before she was turned, and are all big with the inside jokes that no one else gets. And she keeps yakking to Dawn about chess and telling her oogy stories about which Hollywood stars like getting bitten by vampires. And she and Giles can't shut up about this stupid book of prophecies that she brought with her."

She leans back in her chair as Mr. Platt asks, "Why do you think that bothers you?"

"Because she's a souled vampire! She's not supposed to be all cheerful and friend-like." She always hates these questions, the ones that force her to dig into her feelings. But she knows that when she's most reluctant to dig, it's because it's important.

Mr. Platt knows this too. "Are there rules of behavior for souled vampires?"

And the avoidy thoughts come out. "The only souled vampire I knew was Angel. The soul was a curse for him. It was meant to hurt him, and it did. This vampire--she just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and boom! A chaos sorcerer gives her a permanent soul, just out of the goodness of his heart. And then they find this magic ring that protects her from getting dusted. And from what Cordy’s said, she was a total loser as a human, so being vamped was like the best thing that could have happened to her. She's had way more than her share of dumb luck--why couldn't Angel have any of that?"

Mr. Platt hands her a Kleenex. She dabs at her eyes.

“This isn’t just about her, or about Angel,” Mr. Platt prompts.

“No,” she sighs. “It’s just--everyone else just barely tolerated Angel. So they don’t miss him the way I do. Nobody understands how hard it was for me to have to kill Angel.”

She takes a shuddery breath, then corrects herself. “I guess that’s not totally fair, because Giles had to kill Miss Calendar to protect us from Eyghon--but nobody else even comes close to getting it. And now everyone is fawning over Miss Undead Congeniality. I came home last night and my mom was pouring her a glass of wine. There’s some stained glass exhibit at The Getty museum that Mom was interested in, and of course this vampire’s seen it and will go on and on about it.”

She runs her hands over the cold metal arms of the chair. “It’s honest opinion time. Am I crazy to let this bother me when I have much bigger stuff to worry about? Like Glory, and Dawn, and my mom?”

Mr. Platt stands up, sits on the edge of his desk, and looks down on her. “Look, little problems don’t stop existing just because you have big problems, too. I’m not trained for the big problems--you’ve got a Watcher for that. What I can offer is a different way of looking at the little problem.”

“And what’s that?” One of the things she likes about Mr. Platt is that he’ll let her know exactly what he thinks about her and the people in her life. He’s nothing like the therapists she’s dealt with before, who quietly evaluated her and never let her know what judgments they were making.

“I don’t know anything about vampires. But humans don’t connect to each other without somebody doing some work. Usually that’s talking--and in my experience, women are usually better at that kind of emotional labor than men. If she’s making better connections with your friends than Angel did, maybe it’s because she’s trying harder.” He stands up and gets another cigarette. “Ok, now you try looking at her from a different perspective.”

Ugh. She leans forward in her chair, elbows resting on her knees. “So she’s my age, which means that she got the ‘stop eating people’ memo about a hundred years earlier than Angel did. So much less time for the guilt and the broodiness.”

It makes sense on an intellectual level, but Buffy’s not sure it’s helping her feel any better about the whole souled-creature-of-the-night who has invaded her home.

***

Buffy races out of Glory’s mansion, carrying Willow over her shoulders as Willow sobs. Behind her, Ethan yells something in Latin, and Glory and her minions stand still, as if they’re frozen.

They run to The Magic Box. It’s closed, but Ethan unlocks the door with a wave of his hand.

Buffy deposits Willow on one of the tables and turns to Ethan. “I thought the Gem was supposed to protect her from getting hurt.”

Ethan doesn’t look up from the ingredients he’s mixing. “Glory’s a Hellgod. The Gem was designed by men, or demons. It can only withstand so much.”

Just then, Doyle bursts in. “Oh there you are. I just got a vision that some demon’s doing a locator spell to try to find The Key. I don’t know where he is, but if we drive around, I can probably figure it out.”

Ethan’s eyes flick over to Willow.

Buffy says, “Go. I’ll look after her.”

Ethan walks over to Willow, and gently touches her hand. Willow says, “I’ll be fine. Vampire healing, remember?”

And then Buffy’s alone with Willow, and things start to sink in. Willow withstood torture to protect Dawn, and now Buffy has major guiltage for finding her so annoying.

Willow groans and sits up. “I think lying down isn’t working. Maybe if I stand up there won’t be so much of the bruises pressing down on the table.” She pushes herself to the edge of the table, legs dangling down, and gently lowers her feet to the ground.

In an instant, her legs give out, and Buffy catches her before she hits the floor.  She sets Willow on a chair and sits beside her. “Where does it hurt the most?” she asks. She can’t do healing magic, but maybe there’s some sort of vamp first aid she can manage to keep things stable until Ethan comes back.

“Everywhere?” Willow groans. So unhelpful. Willow continues, “I know I said vampire healing, but I don’t think it’s working this time. Because I can usually feel the wounds close up. It’s kind of like zipping up a dress, except with body parts. And stuff’s just slushing around right now, and that can’t be good.” She grabbed her side, and groaned. “I think maybe the Gem’s the only reason that I’m not dead now. I mean dead again--obviously I died once, and it--was unfun.”

Buffy says, "I died once, too. Wouldn't recommend it, either."

Willow starts to laugh, but it comes out as a gasping sob. Buffy realizes that the cheerful, chatty persona is Willow's armor, as much as the Gem is. It protects the scared girl that Buffy’s finally seeing now. She leans forward and puts her hands on Willow's shoulders. Willow winces in pain, but doesn't pull away.

"I think I can help," Buffy says. "Slayer blood. It's good for what ails ya." It's one of those ooky facts she picked up in a research session. Another great perk of being a Slayer: she's a walking cure-all for every sick demon on the planet.

Willow wraps her arms over her chest. "I--I don't know. What if I lose control and take too much?"

Buffy says, "You won't. If you're that worried about it, you'll know when to stop."

She scoots her chair closer, pulls her hair to one side so that her left shoulder is bare. Willow gingerly sinks her fangs in.

Willow bites down harder, goes into full vamp-face and Buffy gasps. She’s completely unprepared for this, because she’s never felt anything this intense, this powerful. Maybe Dracula was right, and there is a darkness inside her. There’s something primal about feeding a powerful demon this way. It’s almost sexual except it’s her whole body that wants this so much.

Her head starts to spin. They need to stop. She croaks out, “Willow--” but can’t find any other words. Her heart is rushing in her ears, and a chill runs through her. Maybe she was overly confident about Willow’s ability to stop.

She pushes on Willow’s shoulders as hard as she can, and Willow pulls her head away from Buffy’s shoulder. She backs her chair far away from Buffy, and sits for a few moments, breathing hard, until her face reverts to its human form. Her bruises and cuts are already starting to heal.

Willow says, “I think we should run. To England. Ethan’s got--friends there who might be able to help.” She gets up, crosses the distance between them, and kisses Buffy on the forehead. Under any other circumstances, it would be a chaste kiss, but right now it feels afterglow-y.  “We’ll do everything we can to help you and Dawnie, I promise.”

Buffy’s not sure the Council will be any help, but Ethan’s spells have been the only way to hurt Glory so far. Buffy can’t fight Glory alone. She needs to accept help.

She takes Willow’s hand in hers, and nods. “Great idea. C’mon, Willow, let's get you home.”

Comments

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

Wow! I really like this! And the initial framing device of a counselor visit was terrific. Excellent tale.


Gabrielle

[punch-kicker15.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm so glad you liked this! The counseling scene was hard to write for some reason, but I really wanted it in there, and I'm glad it worked for you.

[snogged.livejournal.com]

I really loved this!

I like that your initial framing device was a counseling session. That worked well for me.

I also liked that Buffy agreed to let Willow drink from her. That was a nice turn-around from her initial impression of Willow.

Thanks for writing my AU!

[punch-kicker15.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm so glad you liked this! This was a fun prompt to work with.

[daria234.livejournal.com]

This is really cool and so well done! Love it!!

[punch-kicker15.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm so glad you liked this!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness you posted your end of the year fic rec list self-pimp because I would have missed this. (More importantly, HOW in the world did I miss this? Buffy and souled vamp Willow in S5? Buffy continuing to see Mr Platt for counseling? What else do you need in life?)

This is charming, funny, and the scenes with Mr Platt connect beautifully with the later ones. (it doesn't hurt that Buffy in therapy is a major kink for me and i really liked Mr Platt.)

[punch-kicker15.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks, I'm glad you liked it.

The funny thing is that I had nearly forgotten about this one until I started doing the year-end wrap up post. I'm trying to remember what the genesis for this one was, aside from the prompt, and I'm not sure.

I know that I worked out a really long backstory about Willow's absence from canon in previous seasons (since Willow wasn't there with a bright idea to kill Eyghon, Giles had to kill Jenny. No Jenny meant no soul restoration, so Buffy killed Angelus and he stayed dead. No Angel and no Oz in S3 meant that Buffy was less distracted by false leads and so she figured out Pete was the attacker before Mr. Platt was killed). I ran out of steam before figuring out what had happened to Faith and Tara in this universe.

What I don't remember is if I started with Mr. Platt and tried to devise an AU where he lived, or I started with "Willow was turned before meeting Buffy" and realized that it could lead to Mr. Platt surviving. However it came about, I like Mr. Platt too, and the idea of Buffy having support from a neutral outsider in S5 was too good to resist.