punch_kicker15: (Anya)
[personal profile] punch_kicker15
Title: Hell Hath No Fury
Author: punch_kicker15
Rating: G
Characters/Relationships: Anya, OFC, Gen
Summary: Anya, shortly before Doppelgangland, through the eyes of an OFC.
Word count: 657
Notes: Written for [livejournal.com profile] buffy_genfic, for [livejournal.com profile] sunalso, who wanted a magic item, sandwiches, a football and no discussion of money or orgasms. Apologies that this is so late! I've been struggling with a bad case of bronchitis and U.S. election angst.

So I’m minding my own business in the cafeteria, waiting for Holly and Michael to get back from their Subway run, when the new girl, Anya--Edison or Edmond or whatever--sits down next to me.

She’s the one in our algebra class. You know, the one who looks like she could fit in with the Cordettes. But there’s the personality. Like she’s a few fries short of a Doublemeat Combo. Harmony said that Anya asked Ms. Bird if we could have more real-world math problems to solve, like calculating the trajectory of splattering blood. I get jerking around a teacher, but that’s like, way too far on the freaksome side to be funny. I mean, she has to know everyone here has lost someone in a stabby way. Also, she uses so much soap that she smells like one of those plug-in room deodorants.

Anyway, Anya sits down next to me while Mandy’s talking about the basketball team and the big game against Carpinteria High tomorrow. “There’s no way they can stop Percy. He scored thirty points last week.”

Anya goes, “Is that football? Does it make you guys angry? Lots of women are angry about how much time their boyfriends or husbands spend watching football.” She looks almost hopeful that we were mad.

Freaksome, like I said. Mandy does that kind of frowny thing with her eyebrows,  but Anya just looks expectantly at us, like she’d said something normal. So I just ignore her. I look at Mandy, and go, “Speaking of Percy, Do you know who he’s taking to the prom?”

Before Mandy can even open her mouth, Anya jumps in, “Prom? Is that the big dance at the year?”

Mandy’s all, “Well, duh. Out of touch much?.”

Anya tilts her head in a weird way. Kinda like my mom’s parakeet. She goes, “Does everyone need a date?”

“If you don’t wanna be a complete loser, yeah.”

Anya looks nervous--it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Anya have like, a normal reaction to anything.

And then Holly and Michael finally come in with the sandwiches. I grab my turkey sub and hand Mandy her Veggie Delight sandwich. I go, “Anyway, Percy? And his prom date?”

Mandy’s like, “I think he’s taking Lysette.”

“Really? I thought he wanted to go with Aura?”

Mandy just stares down at her sandwich and then, finally she’s like, “Uh, she’s going with Owen.”

So I’m sitting there wishing I could just curl the table and die. I was counting on Owen asking me. And now everyone else has a date already.

And Owen had been dropping all of these hints, like he was really gonna ask me, and now I realize he’s just been stringing me along until someone better came up. And I have to deal in front of Holly and Michael, plus some Miss Randomness who decided to sit with us for no freaking reason at all.

So I lose it. I’m like, “Oh, my God, I wish Owen was so hideous that no one would ever want to date him again!”

And of course just as I say it, there’s a pause in the noise in the cafeteria, and my voice sounds way louder than I meant it to.

Then Anya stands up so fast she knocks her chair over. She yells, “That’s it! If you’re gonna dangle freebies in front of me, and Hallie and Lloyd are too slow to pick them up, I’m gonna get my power center back!”

And I breathe a sigh of relief, because screaming about power centers is enough to get everyone talking about her instead of me.

So, anyway, do you think you could convince your brother to take me to the prom? I know it’s a long drive from UCLA, but--

Oh, my god, you’re the best.  You’re keeping me from going all Carrie-at-the-prom psycho revenge queen. Yeah, you’re right. Owen’s lucky I don’t have magic powers.

on 2016-11-16 03:04 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com
*laughs* That's very funny.

My uncle Dale, my Mom's cousin, wanted to go to some party when they were teens but didn't have a date and Mom offered to go with him. All his friends asked who the looker was. I don't know what he said but whenever he tells the story, he says "There was no way I was telling them that she was my cousin!" ;-)

on 2016-11-17 06:05 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] punch-kicker15.livejournal.com
"There was no way I was telling them that she was my cousin!" ;-)

Oh, that's funny!

Glad you liked the story. :)

on 2016-11-16 01:08 pm (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com

This was brilliant.

on 2016-11-17 06:05 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] punch-kicker15.livejournal.com
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!

on 2016-11-17 12:54 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] feliciacraft.livejournal.com
I love high school Anya.

This is hilarious and delightful! Thank you for sharing!

on 2016-11-17 06:16 am (UTC)
Posted by [identity profile] punch-kicker15.livejournal.com
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I love high school Anya too!


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